Subject: [MISC. FANFIC] RayCav's Random Fanfic #2 From: mikewongisgod@hotmail.com (RayCav) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars The Rebel fighters raced towards the Death Star, desperate to defend their base. They only had a few minutes before the mighty battle station would be able to target Yavin and end their hopes of Rebellion. Inside the station's command center, Grand Moff RayCav sat comfortably and confident. Surely, not even the Rebels themselves believed they had a chance against the most powerful creation ever devised. "Sir, they've launched fighters!" "Fighters? How can they possibly believe they can stop us with a handful of fighters?!" "Would you like to launch the TIEs?" "Negative. Let them play their little game." The X-Wings and Y-Wings dove into the trenches, evading enemy turbolaser fire. The narrow confines allowed for little maneuver, and Darth Vader recommended that, now, they pursue in TIEs, with Vader personally leading the counter-attack. "Very well, you may chase after them." Grand Moff RayCav waived him off. Vader, in his personal TIE Advanced, locked onto the Rebel fighters one at a time, blasting them to pieces. As he held Luke's fighter in his sights, he adjusted, and prepared to fire. Before he squeezed on the trigger button, his wingman slammed into him, bouncing his fighter into the trench walls and out into space. Han Solo, in his Millennium Falcon, flew over the trench, providing cover for the Rebellion's last hope. Luke pressed his thumbs hard on the buttons, sending two proton torpedoes towards the vulnerable exhaust shaft. To his dismay, they both slammed right next to the scorch marks Wedge made. Luke could discern a voice in his head. "YOU DUMBASS! I SAID USE THE FORCE!" "But, I like the targeting computer!" "YOU IDIOT! NOW YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE!" "What? What did I do?" As all hope for the Rebellion seemed to have finally come to an end, Yavin was square in the sights of the Death Star. Grand Moff RayCav gave the order to fire, when suddenly.... "Grand Moff RayCav, sir, you mother is on line one." "What...the...fuck?" "I said, your mother is on line one." "I kriffing know that! What the fuck does she want?" "She wants you to help her with something in the kitchen." "Oh, Sithspawn...." RayCav ordered the Death Star to return to Coruscant. Back on Yavin, the Rebels cheered as, unexplainably, the Death Star took up and left. Their cheers were short-lived as the Death Star plowed into Luke, Han, and Wedge, as they were still trying to escape the trenches. Some time later, the Death Star arrived at Coruscant. "Sir, your mom's on line one and Emperor Palpatine is on line two." "Patch Line One through." "Your mom wants you to come down and help her clean the fridge." "Patch Line Two through." "Emperor Palpatine wants to know why the kriff you've come back without blasting the Rebel Base and has warned you to return to your mission or face being asphyxiated right where you stand." "Hmmm, a difficult decision indeed." RayCav mumbled to himself, contemplating which scolding would be worse. "Put my mom back on the line." "Putting your mom on speaker phone, sir." "Yes, mother?" "COME DOWN AND CLEAN THIS UP?" RayCav sighed. "Clean what up?" "CLEAN THIS UP!" RayCav sighed again. "Clean _what_ up, mom?" "CLEAN THIS UP! HERE!" "Where's 'here,' mom?" "HERE! IT'S HERE!" "Mom...." "COME DOWN AND CLEAN NOW!" "Clean what, mom?" "THIS! CLEAN THIS!" "Sigh...put Palpatine back on the line." "He says you have ten second to fire up the hyperdrive and get back to Yavin, and live." "Put mom back on." "COME DOWN AND CLEAN! NOW!" "Mom, stop yelling at me! What did I even do?" "YOU NEED TO CLEAN THIS NOW!" "Sigh...how much longer did Palpatine said I have to live?" "5 seconds left, sir." "Tell him to hurry the hell up."